You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
