Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
