One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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