I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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