I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
