I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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