i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
