Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
