what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he fucked my hip out of place.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
