i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
