What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
