i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
