proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
