i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
