my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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