He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
