Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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