Pants 0. Shit 1.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
