Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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