thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
