i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
