Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
