I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
