My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
