Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
