He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
