Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
