Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
jump out the window naked night went bad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
