I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
