Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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