on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
