one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
