I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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