I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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