Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
