I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
