plz talk dirty to me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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