dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
