I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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