I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
