I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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