its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
