My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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