Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
