I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
