Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
