why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
