Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sext me about skeletons
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
