Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everclear isn't food dammit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
