broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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