youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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